“Fasten Your Seat Belts: The 2020 Presidential Election is Upon Us”

You may be asking yourself, why is a psychotherapist writing about politics? But if you really think about it, why wouldn’t politics come up in therapy especially as we enter a new year and a highly charged political season? There is a lot at stake for many on our diverse ideological spectrum, and the significance of the outcome on November 10, 2020, cannot be understated. Unfortunately, the collateral damage from these times will be inflicted on our relationships.

In my practice, political affiliation and ideological differences have created some of the most painful experiences for many of my clients. One client was so devastated when he learned that his once revered cool uncle supported President Trump that he avoided a special family celebration where his uncle was being honored. I have a rich and diverse life with friendships and collegial relationships with people on all sides. We volunteer together, attend social gatherings, sometimes consult on cases, and have stimulating conversations about many subjects. However, when ideology and politics surface, something changes. It seems that the desire to learn others’ subjective reality, listen to and respect differences, and look for where there is common ground all but disappear - and very quickly.

The ease with which black or white thinking and generalization can literally possess individuals is both fascinating and scary at the same time. Intelligent and otherwise poised individuals transform into righteous and rigid angry people, almost unrecognizable to us. Many of us are left to either retreat and avoid or moved to defend our character and reputation. Civility and critical thinking have been replaced by righteous indignation and rigidity.

Interestingly, my work as a relationship and marriage therapist reveals very similar symptoms and signs of distress when people are having a lot of trouble with each other. They’ve stopped listening to each other, they have lost the ability to express their feelings in a way that they can be heard, and they refuse to empathize and learn their partner’s perspective. 

There are many antidotes and practical solutions to both the ideological “battles” and the relational challenges within families and relationships. However, these antidotes will not make a dent without the following: PATIENCE, HUMILITY, SELF-REFLECTION, MANAGING EMOTIONS, DESIRE TO GROW AND LEARN. These can be applied in so many of our most difficult interactions and relationships, but only if we have the courage and perseverance to pursue, execute, and master them. 

As we move toward November 10, 2020, let’s consider the spaciousness that a little humility and patience can provide in our relationships and approach those who hold differing opinions with curiosity and kindness.